I accidentally wrote a viral ad on Facebook Marketplace… and now the internet won’t leave me alone

I accidentally wrote a viral ad on Facebook Marketplace… and now the internet won’t leave me alone


Alright so if YOU want to whip together some snappy ads that go viral like this?

Keep reading, 'cause I spill the beans. And even offer a chance to show you how to do it live.

But to explain, you gotta see how this dumptruck caught fire in the first place:

“We really should sell this storage bench” — The Wife

Which Google Translated as:

“Go sell this storage bench for me. Do it. DO IT.”

Alright. Fine. Should be pretty easy.

I mean, I write ads for a living, you know?

But golly-balls it’s a heckin’ lot of work and I just didn’t wanna…

So instead? I lost my mind, gave zero cares, then tapped “submit.”

Done.

Or so I thought (foreshadowing)

Because the next 24 hours went absolutely bananas.

Lemme show you. Roll back to the start with me, see if you can spot how it all went down…

Thanks to this thing, the internet won’t leave me alone.

Me, before it all went wrong:

“Okay, there it is. It’s a storage bench tote box thing…”

Guess she wants me to sell it…

But where though?

Craigslist?

LOL hard pass. That place reeks of domestic abuse and K-mart tattoos.

Yard sale?

If I’m gonna get haggled by Phyllis from the rotary club at 6 in the morning, I’m gonna do it on my terms.

So how ‘bout Facebook Marketplace?

DING! DING! DING!

What a forehead slapper, ’cause of course, right?

Where else would ya find a horde of middle-aged soccer moms DESPERATE to buy more cheaply assembled furniture?

“Target!” — You, probably

Okay, you’re not wrong.

But we’re gonna roll with the Facebook Marketplace thing.

Word?

But now we gotta figure out HOW to sell it.

Like what are we gonna say?

How we gonna say it?

’Cause we can’t just sell it regular style, y’know.

We gotta make our ad look different.

Gotta put a FAT gap between our second-hand contraband and the rest of the third-world cringe you’ll see on FB Marketplace.

Which won’t be hard, because most of those ads reads like Uncle Dave watched too many episodes of storage wars, and now he’s trying to flip whatever he fished out of a Goodwill trash can for a trillion percent profit.

DESK. BROWN. HAS LEG. ONLY 4 CIGARRETTE BURN AND 1 BLOOD STAB. RARE. $90. NO LOWBALLERS. I KNOW WHAT I HAVE. DON’T CROSS ME. DAVE

Probably need a tetanus shot after reading that.

Anyways. My point being?

Making our ad look different won’t be hard.

So you ready?

But before we go, I wanna give you a heads up:

It’s about to get weird.

But if you stick with me, I promise…

…You’re gonna love it.

…And it’s gonna work.

…’Cause it’s gonna make rain.

…And you’ll laugh like an idiot the whole time.

…And so will the people buyin’ from ya.

…And they’ll say THANK YOU while handing you their cash.

…And we’ll do it together here, step-by-step.

But you GOTTA stick with me k?

K.

So first thing is…

Gotta write the headline. The title. The top part.

You know what they say, right?

“When everyone’s a potato, you gotta be a beach ball.” — They

In other words, you gotta get their attention.

That’s it.

Which everyone says is the hard part.

But it’s not.

All you gotta do is say something they don’t expect.

So with that in mind, let’s duct-tape a headline together:

Okay so we’re selling this organizer bench thing with 4 totes…

Oh, and they’re prob’ly gonna bark at me about the stain on top, so…

Actually, you know what?

That’s the headline.

Lookit:

STORAGE BENCH WITH 4 TOTES AND A STAIN

See? Unexpected.

“Who ever says THAT in an ad?”

I do.

Plus it tells ’em what’s wrong with it, straightaway.

“And wait… what’s the story with the stain? You know what, I gotta see this…”

~ le click ~

Congrats, you got ’em to open the ad.

(That’s what we call a hook, but more on that another time)

Now I know what you might be thinking…

“Awesome. Just wrote a title that got ’em curious enough to open it…
But now we gotta get ’em to start reading it…
And we gotta get ’em to KEEP reading it…
And get them to want to buy it…
And… and… and…”

Slow down turbo. We’ll get there.

Like learning to ride a narwhal… one step at a time.

So first place I start?

1. Tell ’em about the situation.

Like why are you selling it in the first place?

Say that. But in blue-collar English.

Type it like ya talk it:

Yeah, so apparently I’ve got my wife figured out…
Whenever she wants me to sell something, it’s because she’s about to replace it with something more expensive (which is great because I hate having $400).

Bonus points if you’re relatable.

Got it?

Cool. So the next one…

2. Tell ’em what it does:

Okay so the thing I’m selling because I lost the argument with my wife…
I guess it was in my kid’s room, and we used it to hold books?

You with me so far?

Word.

That’s easy.

But now you gotta nail this next part. And it’s not optional.

3. Let your ADHD just do whatever for a few seconds I guess:

NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
If you’ve got an immediate propensity for violence and you won’t let some dude mansplain to you how to live your life…
Then don’t let me tell you what to do with this thing.
Use it to hold books, toys, grain, whatever.
Flirt with the possibilities and dare to dream.
You’re the boss, so whatever’s hot, Scott.

Yeah, something like that.

Didja get it out of your system?

Good. ‘Cause now we gotta reroute this GPS to where we’re s’posed to go…

4. Tell ’em what they’re getting.

Stop yawning, you gotta write down the boring details like…

…measurements.

…colors.

…what it tastes like.

…any cigarette burns or blood stabs.

…accessories it comes with.

…stuff like that.

BONUS POINTS if you can make it fun:

Now I know what you’re gonna ask…
“Hey Jimmy, is it 58” long, 18" deep, 20" tall at the sides, and does it also come with a floppy mattress cushion situation along with 4 fabric-ish totes that fit neatly inside the 4 cubby holes?”
Obvsly.

5. Okay so it looks like they’re MAYBE interested, but now they got some questions.

Stuff they’re worried about, whether they’re consciously aware of it or not.

And with furniture it’s usually about the weight and beefiness of it.

So let’s give that a whack:

“…okay but also is it heavy enough for a 5 year old boy to yeet himself off of it without buckling the top like a cheap folding chair at a soccer game, but also not so heavy that I couldn’t just ballyhoo this midget cubicle farm into the back of my Honda Odyssey and still have room for my Walmart pickup order?”
You got it, mucho friendo. And you won’t even strain enough to accidentally parp a fart (excuse me, “tushy cough”) that you gotta pretend didn’t happen even though we both heard it and those poop atoms are now in my mouth thx.

Yeah so if you’re like me? You’ll toss in a lethal dose of MSG to make it tasty.

Because like I said at the beginning?

If you wanna GET their attention…

And KEEP their attention…

You gotta keep ’em guessing.

If they know what you’re gonna say next, they’ll get bored.

So keep hitting ’em with a belt-fed fun-gun of random, but relevant stuff.

Weirder and wilder = gooder.

Word?

Because now they’re enjoying the ride.

Fun!

But NOW some of ’em are starting to consider… maybe… possibly… buying this thing.

We’re SO close.

But we’re not done yet.

We’re sliding backwards towards the finish line…

Sparks flying, doors missing, there’s a goose involved…

6. But we hafta actually CROSS the finish line to win.

So tell ’em what to do next. Yeah. It’s that simple:

Right, so, tote shelf thing…
Which BY THE WAY if you’re listening McDonald’s, if you ever start selling tater tots, I hope you put them in little containers called “tater totes.”
Right?
So about the thing, message me if you wanna check it out?
okbye!

7. Tap ‘submit’.

And that’s it.

At least that’s how I did it.

And it sold in less than a day.

Nobody haggled. Full price. Cash in hand.

Simple pimple.

And the best part?

No hard sell, no awkward pitch, no shamwow tweaker tantrum.

’Cause when you unclench those buttcheeks and loosen up a bit, you’ll be amazed at what might flow outta there.

People wanna be entertained.

So do it.

It ain’t rocket surgery.

Have some fun with it.

You’ll prob’ly even catch some engagement like this…

But you understand WHY it worked though, right?

Because if you’re in business, or if you’re running any kind of advertising, you’ll understand this next part…

Put simply?

We’re in the Entertainment Economy.

OBVIOUS FACT: Nobody wants to see your ad.

Nah.

They’re hovering over that 5 second timer waiting to “skip ad” and get back to watching Mr. Beast slime into a cheez-whiz onesie and Scrooge McDuck himself into a vault of 1 billion jelly beans.

Awesome.

But what if your ad was JUST as awesome?

OR.

What if they didn’t know it was an ad at all?

OR.

What if they KNEW it was an ad…

BUT THEY DIDN’T CARE…

Because it was MORE entertaining than what they were doing in the first place?

Bingo bango, makin’ it rainbow.

You get it now.

But I’m no Marty McFly.

This ain’t a prediction.

I’m not palm-reading the future of marketing like some kind of bootleg Nostradamus.

This is happening now.

Right now.

So if your marketing ain’t…

…entertaining

…awesome

…funny

…helpful

…useful

…then you’re gonna get smoked.

Which means?

The hack-jobs who ain’t even HALF as good as you are?

But their ads are twice as exciting?

They could knock you flat.

Ouch.

Hopefully won’t happen.

But could.

Prob’ly.

Unless you do something about it, right?

So you’re either getting on board, or you’re squattin’ on the dock.

Either way, this ship’s gonna sail.

But hey.

I’m not the boss of you.

You can do what you want.

But maybe you’re seeing the possibilities…

Realizing that “entertaining ads” are the future…

Maybe wondering if we got a future together…

Maybe wondering if you could write some snappy ads like this.

And I think you could.

In fact, that's why I put this page together. Tap this link for the full details.

— Jimmy

Wanna see the full ad, uncut?

Here’ya go:

Yeah, so apparently I’ve got my wife figured out…
Whenever she wants me to sell something, it’s because she’s about to replace it with something more expensive (which is great because I hate having $400).
Okay so the thing I’m selling because I lost the argument with my wife…
I guess it was in my kid’s room, and we used it to hold books?
NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
If you’ve got an immediate propensity for violence and you won’t let some dude mansplain to you how to live your life…
Then don’t let me tell you what to do with this thing.
Use it to hold books, toys, grain, whatever.
Flirt with the possibilities and dare to dream.
You’re the boss, so whatever’s hot, Scott.
Now I know what you’re gonna ask…
“Hey Jimmy, is it 58” long, 18" deep, 20" tall at the sides, and does it also come with a floppy mattress cushion situation along with 4 fabric-ish totes that fit neatly inside the 4 cubby holes?”
Obvsly.
“…okay but also is it heavy enough for a 5 year old boy to yeet himself off of it without buckling the top like a cheap folding chair at a soccer game, but also not so heavy that I couldn’t just ballyhoo this midget cubicle farm into the back of my Honda Odyssey and still have room for my Walmart pickup order?”
You got it, mucho friendo. And you won’t even strain enough to accidentally parp a fart (excuse me, “tushy cough”) that you gotta pretend didn’t happen even though we both heard it and those poop atoms are now in my mouth thx.
Right, so, tote shelf thing…
Which BY THE WAY if you’re listening McDonald’s, if you ever start selling tater tots, I hope you put them in little containers called “tater totes.”
Right?
message me if you wanna check it out?
okbye!

Fun!

Oh right, one last thing:

Ads like this ain’t a fluke. Did it once, then did it 17 more times. In the first month. That’s not even counting the ads I wrote for others. I have multiple TENS of big-name clients who love these ads. You’ve probably seen ’em around. Now I’m not naïve enough to say it’ll work for everyone. Plumber? Def yes. Poop joke city of course. Mortuary? Yikes. That could be a grave mistake #badumtss. But let’s find out? Clicketh here.