Almost died

Now I don’t know if you’ve ever passed away before, but I almost did.

Cause we’re in this new house, remember?

North Carolina.

Green. Pretty. Big trees.


And our back yard?

Like a thousand of ‘em.

And thanks to “tHe BeAuTy Of FaLL” they’ve party cannon’d 100% of their leaves straight into my gutters.

Thought “hey I should clean those out” and so I got my giant leaf blower, climbed onto the roof, and immediately almost yeeted myself off the top.

I was like “one, two, sliiiip, poo.”

But actually you couldn’t jackhammer a pin up my butt cause I was clenched so tight.

Took me 30 seconds to get on the roof.

Took 15 minutes to get OFF.

I was ascared.

But once I made it back onto our sweet beautiful planet, I pulled out my phone, and searched “gutter guards.”

You see em before?

Pretty cool. They let water in. Blocks out leaves and sticks. So there's nothing to clean.

Also prevents death.

And found a few companies who do it.

One of ‘ems national. See ads for ‘em everywhere.

With “buy-or-die” Brad like “it’ll be $8,000, but if you do it today it’ll only be $4,800 so is Tuesday or Wednesday better for you?”

Hold up Brad… Bradley… Bradleth…

Ya’ saying if I buy today, I can pay you too much money…

But if I get it tomorrow, you’re gonna commit a domestic burglary?

That’s like [QUICKLY MATHS] $50 a foot. For a piece of sheetmetal?

Hard pass, obvsly.

But turns out most of ‘em are like that.

Pricey. Pushy. Bradley.

Except for this one company I talked to…

Was straight up with me, like:

…it’s $7 a foot.

…we’ll clean out your gutters first.

…install the gutter guards.

…which lets water in, and keeps the junk out.

…so ya don’t hafta almost yeet yourself off the roof.

…then we’ll come out and inspect ‘em for the next 2 years.

…make sure they stay perfect.

…we’ll do it all.

…just sit back and eat burritos.

Which is perfect because I love burritos.

So after he checked it all out?

Wasn’t $8,000.

Wasn’t $4,800.

It was like a grand.

And I got the color I wanted.

And it’ll outlive the house.

Cause it’s got some kinda mad scientist warranty.

So I won’t accidentally gork myself tryin’ to do Dad stuff on the roof. Cause that’s what garages are for.

Anyways, they show up…

Clear out the sticks and stuff…

Make it pretty…

Then put on the new gutter guards (which look fancy up high, but looks ‘regular’ from below).

And that’s it.

So I don’t know if you’re in the Greensboro area?

But here’s what Gutter Guy Gary said:

“Umm… My name is Mike.”

Whatever, “Mike.”

But he said he’ll put gutter guards on your house.

$7 a foot.


And you’ll get all the stuff I said above.

Clean out your gutters.

Put on the guards.

No more cleaning.

No more risk of going airborne.

And it’s gotta crazy warranty.

So if you’re in?

Tap the link below.

You’ll go to another page.

Answer a few questions.

And they’ll shoot you a text. Or an email. Or a call.

Whatever you want.

So that a few days later? Or even the next day maybe?

You’ll get a quote.

It’ll tell you the price. Down to the decimal point.

So it’s either a yes, or a no.

And that’s the best part.

No pressure. The choice is yours.

Because if you wanted gutter guards?

But didn’t wanna pay like a hunnet million trillion for ‘em?

And you’re a fan of not falling off roofs (rooves?)

Then here’s whatchu gotta do…


Let’s hit pause.

Cause at this point in the ad?

I drop a few lines.

Something we call a “CTA”.

It’s a magic string of letters that persuades ‘em to click on the button.

(But usually just says “click on the button” lulz)

So they go to your website.

Enter their information.

So you give ‘em a call.

And they’re expecting your call.

And they’re qualified.

Because they know how much it costs.

And they know how it works.

So you don’t really gotta sell ‘em.

You just gotta take their order.

Then you can go and do the work.

And they like you.

And you like them.

Cause they pay.

And you won’t have to haggle.

Because you’ve got so many leads coming in, you won’t have to.

Pick-n-choose who you want.

Which is cool.

Because money.

Anyways, have a day.

Imma be over here on the planet.

Not on the roof.


--- Jimmmy

Three weird things:

1. I like you #hearts

2. If you don't know what's up? We got a workshop. Called Snappy Ads. Lookit here.

3. I forget

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